i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
cat food counts as protein by the way
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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