Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
