a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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