found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
