When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
