Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
barbara walters just said penis...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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