She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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