I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
