I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
