i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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