We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
