i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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