I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
