Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
