ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
