i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
