So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
