Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
