Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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