We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
