The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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