I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
