why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
