i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
