God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
