I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
