She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
where are my eyebrows?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
