sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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