he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
