I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
