This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
