The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
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