dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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