I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
