She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
