One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
