who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
