when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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