I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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