I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
