The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
