8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
