ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
