dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
