i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
