SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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