"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
