We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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