youre lurking in front of me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
