Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
